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本文来自微信公众号:看理想(ID:ikanlixiang),作者:看理想编辑部,原文标题:《“空心”的现代人,靠购买快乐续命》,题图来自:《请回答1994》
今天的我们,处在一个快乐既泛滥,又缺乏的时代里。
泛滥是因为,快乐这件事似乎越来越重要了,到处都是“只想要快乐”的声音。在热爱消费主义的文化里,快乐正在被包装成各种样子出售,成为一种“终极的消费品”。
但是,人往往是没有什么,才想要什么,对快乐的前赴后继恰恰证明了,我们缺少快乐。
即便快乐产品的起效时间短暂,但生活的虚空和无力,还是让我们不得不依赖这些镇痛剂。
不断购买快乐的我们知道,我们买的“不是快乐,而是希望”。
一、患了“空心病”的人们,只是“按照别人的逻辑活下去”
2月,一封遗书曾在社交媒体上刷屏。遗书所表达的,不是绝望和痛苦这类强烈的情感,而是一种对生活的无意义感——觉得没有意思,不知道为什么要活着。
这种心理状态很符合北京大学心理健康咨询师徐凯文提出的“空心病”的概念。
“空心”,指的是内心的空洞与精神的贫瘠,“感受不到生命和活着的动力,甚至找不到自己。”
徐凯文曾在演讲中分享过一位向他咨询的学生的感受,“感觉自己在一个四分五裂的小岛上,不知道自己在干什么,要得到什么样的东西,时不时感觉到恐惧。”
徐凯文认为,虽然“空心病”的症状和抑郁症很像,都是“情绪低落、兴趣减退、快感缺乏”,但它对药物治疗并不敏感。因为“空心病”的病因,是个体缺乏支撑其意义感和存在感的价值观。

虽然并不一定到“空心病”的程度,但这种空心的状态,不少人都不陌生。这也是那封遗书可以引起人们共鸣的原因。
今天的年轻人似乎有一种很常见情绪:只知道自己不想做什么,不知道自己想做什么。
我们身处在一个价值理性式微,工具理性膨胀的时代,只重视行为的结果和效益的最大化,却不再对一些信念和意义抱有追求。
许多人遵循社会时钟按部就班地上学、考试、工作、升职、结婚……努力完成外部世界设定的目标,内心深处却不知道自己为什么要完成这些,只是“按照别人的逻辑活下去”。
这种只是建立在不断回应他人的期待和要求之上的自我是虚弱的,一击即溃。在完成一个又一个目标的间隙,就会陷入莫名的失落和空虚之中。
然而,向上的单一价值观似乎又限制了人们脱离这个被期待的轨道。人们对于轨道之外的生活的想象很匮乏,甚至充满恐惧。
“学习好工作好是基本的要求,如果学习好,工作不够好,我就活不下去。但也不是说因为学习好,工作好了我就开心了,我不知道为什么要活着,我总是对自己不满足,总是想各方面做得更好,但是这样的人生似乎没有头。”这是徐凯文提到的另一个北大学生的自白。
二、今天我们追逐的快乐,更多是“膝跳反射式”的
“空心”对应的,是找不到人生意义的存在性(Existential)苦闷。与此同时,为了继续生活,人们还有许多不得不做的事,比如为了赚钱而忍受自己并不感兴趣的工作。在这样的双重夹击下,越来越多人发出“我只想要快乐”的感概也就不足为奇了。
为了缓解这样的苦闷,人们投身于对快乐追逐。“在热爱消费主义的文化里,快乐成了终极的消费品。”
得到快乐的方式似乎很多。吃点儿好的、磕磕CP、撸猫、喝酒、买喜欢的东西、看剧、来把游戏……轰轰烈烈的娱乐工业里,有无数官能刺激在等待着我们。
这种“膝跳反射式”的快乐固然短暂,但一集综艺结束了有下一集,一对CP磕过了有下一对,作为一种易得且不限量供应的止痛剂,它们似乎真的能让生活感觉好过一点。

另一派的快乐,是心灵疗愈式的。21世纪以来,快乐产业(Feel Good Industry)逐渐席卷全球。放眼各个平台,到处是教你如何快乐的人。
积极心理学、正念心理学……只要你想学,有数不清的书籍、线上课程、培训营供你选择;爱情课、情商课、沟通课……似乎没有什么困扰,是这些课程解决不了的。
身处其中的我们其实或多或少接触过这些理念。
以积极心理学为例,它给出了许多方法来帮助我们改善身心健康,克服焦虑,获得更多幸福和快乐,比如,写感恩日记、冥想、不吝分享等等。
这些方法大都简单易行,投入不大,它承诺你,通过购买阅读书籍、课程等并付诸实践,你就能改变自己的认知方式和情感模式,从而改变自己的生活状态。
此类疗愈的核心理念是,幸福和快乐不是来自环境,是来自内心。
积极心理学创始人马丁·塞利格曼(Martin Seligman)曾提出一个幸福公式:幸福指数=先天遗传素质+后天环境+你能主动控制的心理力量,这其中,基因占比50%,心理力量占比40%,环境只占10%。
积极心理学家索尼娅·柳博米尔斯基(Sonja Lyubomirsky)则写过,“当我们最终接受并承认生活环境不是幸福的关键所在时,我们将能够更好地从自身出发去体验幸福。”她认为,如果不改变自身思考、感受和行为的方式,那不论处在怎样的环境之中,都会回到自己的幸福原点。

在这样的表述下,不论是短暂的快乐还是疗愈式的快乐,似乎都唾手可得。
正如露丝·惠普曼(Ruth Whippman)在《为什么我们拼命追求幸福,却依然不快乐》里总结的,如果在今天说自己不快乐,得到的回应可能有两个:“降低你的期望”和“你该养只猫了”。
三、我们不能永远只待在“内心堡垒”里
快乐产业之所以受到追捧,是因为它承诺我们可以控制自己的心态,掌握快乐,外界的影响是有限的。可是,这个逻辑的反面意涵是:如果我们不快乐,那都是我们自己的错。
在《幸福学是如何掌控我们的?》一书中,埃德加·卡巴纳斯(Edgar Cabanas)对积极心理学提出了质疑。在他看来,从棘手且无力改变的消极处境中找寻积极因素,培养积极的认知方式,对于个体来说,是直面人生中不可避免的困境的好方式,然而当积极性成为一种专制态度时,问题就会出现:它刻板地将人们的不幸与无能怪罪于他们自己。
在这样的语境中,个人责任被过度内化了,每个人要对自己的选择、制定的目标、自己的幸福全权负责。而“人人要为自己的不幸负责的世界里,是几乎容不下怜悯和同情的;人人都天赋能力将逆境变为机遇的世界里,也不欢迎抱怨的声音。”

不少研究得出的结果似乎都证明,客观环境的影响并没有积极心理学中认为的那么低。
2010年经济学家安格斯‧迪顿(Angus Deaton)和丹尼尔·卡纳曼(Daniel Kahneman)共同发表了一项研究指出,美国人对生活满意度的评估随着收入的增加而同步上升,但在家庭年收入达到7.5万美元左右之后,他们的情绪幸福感就趋于平稳。
宾夕法尼亚大学沃顿商学院高级研究员马修·基林斯沃斯(Matthew Killingsworth)在今年年初发表的一篇论文中更新了这个说法,他的研究表明,幸福感与家庭收入呈线性增长的这种效应,并不会在收入达到一定程度后停止。
《民困愁城》一书中,甯應斌和何春蕤分析了现代人的一些莫名的情感,它们其实都和身处的环境有关。比如,没由来的不安全感往往不是来自个人自身的处境,而是风险社会的产物;没由来的焦虑其实是对抗“迅速变动且随时有变的世界”的最佳防御心理;莫名的愤怒则是竞争社会中每个人为了对抗他人所储备的侵略性……
在看理想之前的文章《抑郁症,是大脑在告诉我们“快逃”》中,提到过一个柬埔寨农夫和牛的故事:
一名种植大米的农夫,在田间工作的时候被美军遗留的炸药炸飞了一条腿。虽然他装上了假肢,也可以自由活动了,但表现出了典型的抑郁症状,不仅无法种田,甚至无法正常起床生活。
在并不知道什么是抑郁症和抑郁药的情况下,当地人去看了农夫的生活环境之后,送给了他一头牛,并且很神奇地,这头牛在几个月让农夫所有的抑郁的症状都消失了。
牛之所以可以治好农夫的抑郁症,是因为它真正解决了农夫每天以泪洗面的原因——受于身体的限制和这片田给他带来的心理创伤和恐惧,继续下地种田对他来说都太痛苦了。
而村子送他一头牛,让他可以靠制作奶制品生活,通过新的生活方式重新看见自己的能力和价值。
“生活在无法满足我们身心基本需求的环境中,才是抑郁症的根本原因。”
在快乐这个问题上同理。想要快乐的人越多,快乐在人们心里的地位越重,说明不快乐的情况越普遍,这是水的问题,不是鱼的问题。
我们当然可以通过不断地购买,或是不断地自我改造来得到快乐,但只要让我们不快乐的“水”没变,追求快乐就是一条没有止境的路。

更值得注意的是,快乐和积极不是唯一的情感,一味推崇它们可能会压抑别的与生俱来的情感。
在甯應斌和何春蕤看来,所谓“情绪管理”,就是要求个人日常生活与人生有一种“条理性”,即个人需要围绕外界制度所界定的规范,来有条理地组织自己的工作、消费、身体等等,并且不断反思自己的行为与情绪是否配合这样的规范。
从这个角度讲,快乐也有可能变为外部权力的用来规训我们的工具。当我们想要通过不断自我反思和改造来得到快乐,我们也就失去了反思和改变“水”的机会。
社会心理学家克里斯托弗·拉什(Christopher Lasch)曾提出,当人们在面对极不稳定,难以预料的环境时,往往会选择退守“内心堡垒”。通过关注自己的心理健康和幸福状态,才能重新振作起来,抵御外界的变化带来的影响。
但是,我们不能永远只待在“内心堡垒”里,那样的话,就会活在“过度关注自己的执念中,时时刻刻思考如何提升自我,在自我管控、自我批评中走向极端。”
尾声

在《为什么我们拼命追求幸福,却依然不快乐》里,惠普曼描述了一段自己在机场遇见心理学专业学生的经历,当时那个学生正在看一本积极心理学的书,是学校的课本。
惠普曼走上前问他,这些研究里许多结果都夸大不实,你不会觉得困扰吗?他说不会,因为人们只会相信他们想相信的,其余都会被忽略,而且他的人生一直还蛮辛苦的,正面一点是好事,这本书其实给了他努力的动力。
她又问,假如理论上有绝对性的科学证据证实,人生状态无法因努力而改变,他还会这样认为吗?
他说,这些对他来说都不重要,他还是会读这本书,还是愿意试试看。
她因此感叹道,“我这才发现,他们买的产品不是快乐,而是希望。”
但是,和那个建在肥皂泡上的希望相比,还是《美丽新世界》里,新世界之外的野蛮人描述的:“我不需要舒服。我需要上帝,需要诗,需要真正的危险,需要自由,需要善,需要罪恶”,更值得期待吧。
比起让自己快乐,允许自己不快乐也是一种力量。
参考资料
1.《为什么我们拼命追求幸福,却依然不快乐》|露丝·惠普曼
2.《幸福学是如何掌控我们的?》|埃德加·卡巴纳斯 伊瓦·伊洛斯
3.《民困愁城》|甯應斌 何春蕤
4. 时代空心病与焦虑经济学|徐凯文
本文来自微信公众号:看理想(ID:ikanlixiang),作者:看理想编辑部
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